I'm weird, you're weird, we're all weird now

I am notorious at reading too deeply into simple statements, but this struck me as profound.

I was baby-sitting for a near and dear family for me. Upon returning from a short bike ride to drop off the younger of two brothers to soccer practice, the older brother and I had an extremely brief conversation. It went something like this:

M: *mumbles something about himself being a "stupid-dumb head"*
Beth: Hey, I don't like the sounds of that. You are not a stupid-dumb head!
M: I know, sometimes I say things like that.
Beth: Well, I don't like those words. They aren't true. And I bet your mom doesn't like them either.
M: She doesn't mind.
Beth: If I mentioned to her that you said that, would she be sad?
M: Don't mention it to her, okay? It doesn't mean anything. You don't have to mention it.
Beth: I just don't want you to say those things about yourself. I like your head. I want you to like your head too!
M: Okay... I'm just weird.
Beth: Oh?
M: Yeah. I'm weird. You're weird too. Everyone is weird!
Beth: Yeah, but you know what? Being weird rocks. Let's scream it.. ready? 1, 2, 3-
M & Beth: BEING WEIRD ROCKS!!

What makes this profound is my buddy in this story has Asperger's syndrome. He is a quirky boy, and fitting in isn't always easy. However, strides have been made, society has come a long way. Self-confidence and self-love is a rare find in individuals such as these, and it warms my heart to know that these kinds of children can proudly scream "Being weird rocks!" in place of being a "stupid-dumb head." Having a difference can be isolating, and it's encouraging to know that not only can people cope with this, they can be proud of their differences too.

We still have so far to go, though. However, I do think it's important to celebrate these small steps, for they are significant.

Hahahhahahahhahahhaha.

Life is:
-tragic piano melodies
-communication through language barriers (even though we both speak English)
-making the best with what you have been given
-not being afraid to be different
-chocolate covered bananas
-sing-alongs
-kindness from a stranger at a bowling alley
-not being discouraged when you are the only one in the boat and everyone else is -swimming
-an uplifting gift of a singing toothbrush from a mother
-dancing in the mornings to mix CDs while you wait for the coffee to brew
-understanding 90% of statistics homework
-failing at creative volleyball serves

I'm almost human, after all.

Set your sights

Today is a mission. My mission? To be joyful, no matter what may happen.
Consider it a personal experiment. Is happiness/joy a choice?

what it all comes down to

Choose between:
self-medication or prescription
your own understanding or the wisdom of another
your own feelings or the truth
ignorance or reality
the easy way or the hard (and rewarding) way
...

I am exhausted. Good night, sweet dreams.

Ogre

This is how I feel about my friends:
They are splendid, lovely, royal. I do not have the words to capture how wonderful they are. When I am with them, I feel like an ogre among princesses. I don't say this in a bitter, jealous way, but rather in an appreciative manner. After all, how many princesses would befriend a member of a lower social class, let alone a different species, and a clumsy, awkward and fumbling one at that? I'm honored and blessed to be in the midst of their radiance.

Love you, girls!

Take my heart, make it new, make it true, make it like You

I am frustrated. I am flawed. My thoughts are ugly.
(I don't want to feel this way.)

I hate how something so powerful, encouraging, inspiring can be undone with something so little and insignificant. I want my weakness to be transformed into strengths, I want to be unmovable in the way I treat people. Circumstances are not an excuse to treat someone in an unloving way!

Time to go to thought-boot camp. I must retrain the way I think before I can retrain the way I act.

Goosebumps

In other news:
I finished the second season of Arrested Development.
I ate Alfredo twisted noodles from a box.. and enjoyed it.
I just cleaned 90% of my bike.
I'm making pancakes tomorrow morning.
I can run 2.25 miles without stopping.
My hair is red again. (The shade of red that great aunts disapprove of at family gatherings)
Today was 12:34pm 56 seconds 7/8/09. I spent that moment sitting in my Natural Science class at CSCC wishing I was somewhere else with coffee.
I took a nap today but felt more tired after I woke up because of all the dreams.

Now I'm all caught up.

In other other news:
I've been thinking more about the supernatural. I've always considered myself a 'rational' person in the sense of I am extremely skeptical of visions, prophecy, ghosts, etc. It's easy to disbelieve the crazys you see on tv that claim these things happen to them. It's just so much easier to lump them into the category of "That was probably already an episode of X-files but it hasn't been made into a full-length sci-fi/horror movie yet!" category.. But what do you believe when your friends admit to experiencing it? And what happens if you start to experience it?

"In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams."

risk-taking

It's funny how I am feeling so brave and so terrified at the same time.
The stronger thing to do isn't to block everyone out. The stronger thing to do is to open yourself up to letting people in. The stakes are higher, but there's more to gain.

It's not that I wish I was fearless. It's that I wish I wouldn't feel crushed if things don't go as I hoped they would. And the simple truth is things don't always work out, I'm not in control, and if I was then life would be pretty whack. I hate the free-falling sensation of not knowing what's next, but I'm not afraid of the leap.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

It begins with
hazelnut coffee,
puppy love,
glass slippers,
chlorine kisses,
midday slumber,
secret bubbles,
more coffee,
detours,
false hope,
joyous trials,
playground games,
snickerdoodle,
once again,
summer air,
green feet,
clouded mind,
sleepless eyes,
beehive thoughts,
still awake.

Stability

I would like someone I can depend on.
Someone who tells me the truth.
Someone who follows through.
Someone who's there when they say they'll be there.
Someone who will be there even when they don't say it, but knows I need them.
Someone who cares.

I forget how suffocating a familiar place can be, how isolating a friend who takes you for granted can be, how lonesome a home can become.

Nothing has changed.

Wanderer

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong...


I want to belong. I want to feel like I'm at the right place at the right time with the right people. I feel mixed up and alone. I feel like I'm messing up, but all I'm trying to do is do the right thing..

restless

I seriously think I'm developing some form of restless leg syndrome. Or rather, restless feet syndrome. They feel tingly and I just want to pound them with a hammer so it will stop or something. Gah!

I figure it's one of two things:
1. I'm supposed to get out of Columbus. Soon. As soon as possible. Maybe for a weekend, maybe for a couple years. I am getting an incredible itch to travel, and maybe that itch is getting channeled throughout my restless feet. I want to run. Run until my legs give out and my lungs burst. Run without worrying about being on a deadline for a schedule or a planned out day. Just run like there's no tomorrow. (Run Beth, run!)
2. I need better shoes with better support.

I need sleep.

I love that I love a God that loves me.
I love that I love a God that loves you.
I love that I love a God that loves. Always.

Life life life. It's abundant, and I have so much to be thankful for. I'm not sure if I feel at peace, or if I feel anxious. You would think I would know since the two are pretty much opposites, right?

Here is what I feel peaceful about:
- school
- future job
- summer
- family
- friends who I understand and who understand me
- life

Here is what I feel anxious about:
- (grad) school
- friends, both those leaving and those coming
- thoughts I should spend less time thinking
- People who I can't read
- life

My problem is time. I have such a limited view of time. Time for me, and every other person, is like a river. We are each just a tiny drop of water in a river, constantly pushing forward and rolling over, under, around, through anything in our way. Although every drop has a different distinct path, each drop has this in common: there is no turning back, and there is no way of knowing where it will end up. Everything moves forward, and the only tangible sense of time there is for us is the present.

However, I know I should be anxious about nothing. So what if I can't change what has already happened? So what if I don't know what's to come? Time isn't a river to God. If anything, time is a lake to Him. He sees everything at once. Worrying is pointless, because I know whatever will come will have a purpose.

(Besides, everything seems worse when you've only slept 4 hours in the last 48 hours.)

Self-help?

"I give myself very good advice, but very seldom follow it."
-Alice, Alice in Wonderland

I really love this picture. The little princess is all dolled up, but she won't look in the mirror. And look how mad the little prince is! He knows she's beautiful, and seems frustrated that she can't see it herself..

It's funny once I start thinking about it, but self-consciousness can take on a warped take on vanity in a way. If any of my girl friends are down on themselves about their appearance or themselves as a whole, I jump all over them with empowering speeches about beauty and how deceiving self-talk can be. I truly feel all my friends are absolutely stunning and breathtaking in countless ways. Every person has such an amazing range of qualities and features, it would be foolish to not appreciate it. The only thing all of the people I know have in common is that they are each fantastically crafted to be completely unique. It's terrible how often I allow myself to become numb and fail to notice the wonderful quirks and differences each person has. I could spend my entire life with each of them and never fully know a single person because there is SO much to know about one person.

And yet I fall into the pattern of damaging thoughts. "I'm nothing special, I'm not beautiful, I'm not unique." What on earth?! How can I honestly appreciate all the wonderful traits of everyone that I interact with if I can't even admit that I also do not have specific qualities I possess as well? What makes me the exception? Everyone is great except me? Not saying I need to put myself on a pedestal, but really, I can't expect people to learn to love themselves if I use myself as an example. That would be a major "do as I say, not what I do" which is irritating in itself.

I am a firm and passionate believer that comparison is not always the best route to take. Each person is such an individual that it seems so unfair to compare them to one another in any field, whether it be academics, looks, personalities, strengths, weakness, talents, etc. If I was able to really study each person and view them as a masterpiece, and appreciate every piece of them, both flaws and features, I would love it. Who cares what the standards are?
Appreciate who you are, where you are and who you are with!

To set this in motion, I will try to take my advice that I give out and begin to apply it to myself. I hope that by obtaining a stronger (and humble!) self-love will only increase the love I have for others.

A clear sign that I picked the right profession!

Occupational therapy?




Special Education?
26

(That's about the average size of an ENTIRE kindergarten classroom.)

Both?

Hollaaaaa.

Beginnings and ends

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

A big chapter is coming to a close in my life. Completely bittersweet, but I wonder; what's next?

What every college student needs

WANT.



WANT.




WANT.

Anything but apathy

I would rather be anything in this world than apathetic. This is because this world is a dying world, but I'm not dying. Why should I be apathetic about my life? Why should I be apathetic about others lives? How can I stand by in my bubble of comfort and security when I know and am fully aware of suffering and pain of others in places unseen?

I can not and will not stand by quietly.

Happy St. Patricks Day/Happy birthday Grandpa/Unhappy day of finals!

I'll be free from elementary math in less than four hours.
I'll be out of the state in less than four days.
I'll be doing it all again in less than four weeks.
I'll be on summer break in less than four months.
I'll be graduated and probably have a job in less than four years.

The only exception would be if I die before any of these events occur. Haha!

Read my poker face

I feel like you can see right through me.
(Can I trust that feeling?)
I'll just put on my poker face.
(I have a terrible poker face.)
What I feel comes right out through my expressions.
(No matter how hard I try to hide them.)
I'm really an open book... You just have to know how to read my language.
(Few people know it, though.)

Listen to the call

Rahabshideaway.org

(Go educate and familiarize yourselves.)

It's the third largest criminal industry other than weapons and drugs and it's the fastest growing criminal industry. It's everywhere. It's local. It's destroying.

This is definitely something that God has put on my heart for the past month. I've had dreams, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about it.. And just thinking about it hurts, and I'm not even directly involved with any of it yet. I hope that there are volunteer opportunities that I'll be able to do, because I definitely feel strongly called to do something about this.

I don't know how I will be able to help at all in such a helpless situation, but I'm going to listen to the call.

Make me a sandwich

Finding a good teacher has become increasingly difficult. I've been spoiled in the past by having some of the most excellent, dedicated teachers that have fostered a love of learning and curiosity in me that has also become more uncommon. I have been truly blessed. I think this is why I have such a hard time with some of my teachers at college now. There are a many kinds of teachers, but to break them down into two broad categories, here's what I've found: There are the kinds of teachers that say "Let me show you how to make a sandwich and then help you make your own sandwich. Then you'll be able to go out and make sandwiches to the best of your abilities until you are an excellent sandwich-maker!" ...And then there are the kinds of teachers that just say "Make me a sandwich."

I am, of course, borrowing this phrase that's often used in a demeaning or humiliating context. As urban dictionary defines:
A saying used when one person completely dominates another person in a game, contest, sport, etc. Implies that the winner has complete possession of the broken competitor, thus placing the loser in a condition of servitude in the form of the construction and delivery of a sandwich.

That's how I feel some of the instructors are at my school. It's not about actually teaching your students as much as seeing how many of your crazy, high standard, difficult assignment/test hoops they are able to jump through while you do the least amount of work possible because you are the 'professional.' I've had teachers that don't care that I have four other full-time classes, part time jobs, sleep that I have to make time for, but assign ridiculous tasks that anyone would be unable to complete without making school their number one priority and eliminate all social life and extra curricular activities. It's beyond frustrating to sit in a class where a teacher stands at the front lecturing just to hear themselves talk and haughtily answer questions students may ask in attempts to decode the jargon that they are rambling about. Getting distinct vibes of superiority is a natural tendency in most of my classes.

I'm just wondering how they must think when their entire class turns in an evaluation at the end of the quarter and their ratings are not up to par. (It has been known to happen..) And what happened to the concept that if a student tries their best and still fails your class, it's not the student's fault but the teacher's for failing to find a way to connect to that student and help them understand?

Being a teacher means becoming a servant, if not an equal. You must be on the level of the student in order to understand them, to help them. Granted, there is meant to be an authority in a teaching position, but we're all people. Teachers are just people that are supposed to give other people their knowledge so they may use it to better themselves. That's what I was hoping college would be.

They are going to take you.

I watched Taken the other night. Fantastic movie, I would highly recommend it. I had been told by multiple people that it was 'a good movie' and it was suspenseful, a good action movie that serves for mostly an entertainment film with explosions, but there were a couple parts of the movie and lines that were spoken that really have been stuck in my mind since I watched it a couple nights ago. It's not for the violence or even necessarily the characters that I found this movie to be intriguing, but bits and pieces..

The movie trailers and reviews really haven't done it justice. When asked for a summary, the most often heard descriptions I got were along the lines of, "Oh, it's this former CIA guy and his daughter is taken. So he tries to get her back." but it's so much more than that. It was a dark movie that exposed some of the most horrific evil that takes place all over the world and gets very little publicity. It's shocking, terrifying, sickening. The dialogue in the beginning of the movie when the daughter is across the world from her father and is talking to him on the phone keeps replaying in my mind. The daughter watches through a window across the house as men break into the house and capture her friend she was traveling with. She's on the phone with her father, becoming hysterical as she realizes what's happening and what will soon happen to her. I completely expected her father, retired CIA employee, wise of the ways of the world father to calmly explain to her ways to escape this dangerous situation.

"Quick, go into the bedroom next to the room you are in and hide under the bed." The daughter obeys, and I begin to feel the same relief she does despite knowing the outcome of her situation due to the title of the movie. I am comforted by her father's calm voice, reassured that there is escape and hope. I wait for his next instructions with her as she scrambles under the bed, I'm on edge and waiting for the next step to escape. I'm waiting for the next step to be something along the lines of cleverly tricking her opponents and escaping in a way that only a former CIA agent would think of on the fly of a dangerous moment.

"Now listen to me... They are going to take you."



I feel my stomach drop a little and I see fear and confusion appear on the daughter's face. As she wraps her mind around this statement, that there is no escape, that there is nothing in her power to do except wait to be caught, her face contorts and prepares for tears and returning hysteria. The father continues to calmly explain steps she will need to do, not in order for her to escape of her own means, but steps that are necessary in order for him to save her. Hold the phone near the edge of the bed so he can record their voices, when she is captured she is to begin screaming out identifying features of her kidnappers rather than simply scream and plead, but in the end the only form of fighting back is to accept her fate and to trust her father.

"I promise that I will find you, I promise that I will save you." No try, no maybe, but a promise.

I won't continue on, because the journey that the father makes and the things that he does in his pursuit to save his daughter are too unbelievable to simply be read in text. The dedication and drive that a being can have for another is amazing to me. Going to any lengths to save only a single person is illogical and doesn't make sense to many people. Despite the darkness and the evil in this film, I was in continuous awe of the drive and motivation that the father had for his daughter. If I had one person that would be willing to go to that kind of distance for me, I wouldn't know how I could possibly express my thanks to them. It's stunning.

Then I realized that this scenario is familiar. I am that girl. There are times, places, people, situations that are completely unavoidable. I hide myself under a bed and wait for directions of how to escape the terror, the discomfort, the evil, and I feel the same horror and disbelief when I hear the words, "They are going to take you." My rescue is not of my own accord, I am helpless. The only thing that will save me is my trust that I will be saved by someone more capable than myself. I have a promise of salvation, and no matter how hopeless, disturbing, troubling, terrifying, tragic the situation, I will be saved. There is no need for fear or doubt.

I take comfort in that.

Doubt

I can't sleep. I don't know why, because I'm exhausted, but I just keep tossing and turning. I can't sleep. Therefore, I blog.

Doubt is a topic that's been on my mind in the past couple weeks. I was reading (before my failed attempts at finding slumber..) Life of Pi. So far it's been proven to be an interesting book, but one of the last passages I read tonight really stuck out at me.

It was my first clue that atheists are my brothers and sisters of a different faith, and every word they speak speaks of faith. Like me, they go as far as the legs of reason will carry them - and then they leap.
I'll be honest about it. It is not atheists who get stuck in my craw, but agnostics. Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsemane. If Christ play with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst out from the Cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" then surely we are also permitted to doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.

This brings up a couple of thoughts. One, do you think it is a sin to doubt God? Two, whatever your conclusion may be for the previous question, do you think Christ doubted, or was his cry something other than doubt?

One:
Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."

A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."


Jesus simply says, "Stop doubting and believe." He doesn't lecture, he doesn't forgive, it's simply a statement. However, he does go on to say "blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." aka anyone who is a Christ follower and did not live at the same time and place as Jesus and was able to see, talk to, listen to, touch Jesus. I also believe that doubt is a natural thing, a human tendency. We have been born with free wills, and I think part of our free will allows us to consider, think, debate, question, before we choose whether to follow God or not. That's what he wanted, after all, a choice to return his love, not an army of robots programmed to love him.


Two: I'm still unsure of what I think about this one. I would love to hear other opinions.

I'm going to try and go get some sleep again. T-minus six hours until the preschool bomb. Ka-boom.

If I jumped off a bridge at 37 mph, and it was a Monday, and I was wearing purple shoes...

I'm not a math person. Just putting that out there as a disclaimer. But even after struggling through algebra and all that glorious high school math, I think I can get math eventually. I just don't like it. I figure if I can balance a check book and calculate how much of a tip I need to leave for my waiter, then I'm good.

Then college throws a loop at me. I have to take Math 105 and 106 before I can be free of the academic math world forever. Here's the catch: Math 105/106 is Math for Elementary teachers. Sounds like counting plastic bears and learning shapes, right? WRONG.

You would never think triangles could be such complex shapes. You would never anticipate that when you stomp angrily down High street you end up silently cursing to yourself at the sidewalk and all the stupid rhombuses that make up the patterned cement you're walking on. Don't even get me started on rays and arcs and angles... Or how any of the special needs children, ages birth to 3 will ever be able to begin to comprehend the math I'm being forced to learn in order to (God willing) pass this class.

Still not convinced? Try this problem that was on my homework this week:
Ann and Kelly are standing on a river bank, wondering how wide the river is. Ann is wearing a baseball cap, so she comes up with the following idea; She lowers her cap until she sees the tip of the visor just at the opposite bank of the river. She then turns around 180 degrees, to face away from the river, being careful not to tilt her head or cap, and has Kelly walk to the spot where she can just see Kelly's shoes. By pacing off the distance between them, Ann and Kelly figure that Kelly was 50 feet away from Ann. If the ground around the river is level, what, if anything, can Ann and Kelly conclude about how wide the river is? Relate this to triangle congruence.

I'm very tempted to write on my homework:
Ann and Kelly obviously need to get a life. If the only thing they are really concerned about is how wide various rivers are, they can either get a hobby or look up the river's name on google and figure out its dimensions in addition to plenty of other completely useless information about rivers or whatever their hearts may desire. Also, why is Ann wearing a baseball cap? If it's summer, they should be jumping in the river, or doing something fun, other than pacing and thinking about idiot math. And then there's the biggest problem: after all that work, chances are, the river isn't going to be level. So Kelly and Ann should probably stop wondering and go get some ice cream.

I have a funny feeling it wouldn't earn me any points though.

Reality Check 1

"Who says you are better than others? What do you have that was not given to you? And if it was given to you, why do you brag as if you did not receive it as a gift?" - Paul, 1st letter to the Corinthians, chapter 4, verse 7

I absolutely love this. It's like a spiritual punch to my ego. Absolutely everything I have, whether it be material possessions, a good family, loving friends, a healthy body, the opportunities for academics or traveling or careers has all been handed to me as a gift. I've worked hard to get where I am today, but the truth is I would have never gotten to where I am today if it had not been provided and given to me as a seed. I simply chose how I wanted it to grow.

Therefore, my accomplishments, whatever I may think of myself isn't about me, it's about what I've done with what I've been given. It's not about me at all.

Pretty classic, right?

I would like to start off by saying I love Captain Crunch. Plain, peanut butter crunch, but not the berry kind. Although I love it so intensely, I rarely buy it or get to eat it. This causes food dreams. I will have vivid dreams of me buying Captain Crunch, taking it home, pouring it out and munching and crunching away. The saddest part is waking up and realizing that I don't actually have any Captain Crunch.

So this morning I walk into my parent's kitchen and start searching through the cereal. We have plain Chex, Raisin Bran, some weird granola kind, a little bit of Frosted Flakes and something that my brother is eating at the counter.

"I wish we had Captain Crunch. Our cereal is all so... healthy."

"You could have some of this stuff!" Josh offers, holding up a container of cereal that looks like sugar glazed cocoa puffs with multicolored marshmallows in it. Looks like that cocoa puff bird had too much fun with Lucky charms the night before...

"Um, no. That looks like sugar overload. Ew. Thanks anyway. But no, really, have you ever had a dream where you eat one of your favorite foods and you wake up and realize that you actually don't have any?" I opt for combining Raisin Bran with the remains of Frosted Flakes. (Note: Not a bad combination. I must remember this in the future..)

"I don't think so. I tend to have more of the dreams where food eats me."

"What?"

"You know, like the whole, "THIS IS FOR OUR BRETHREN!!" thing? It's usually cupcakes." He explains, making a violent stabbing motion with his arm.

"I can honestly say I have never experienced a dream like that..."

"Oh. Well, I thought it was something that everyone dreamed of at some point. That's pretty classic, right?"

"Attack of the cupcakes?"

One can only wonder what else Josh dreams of...

Provided

A kind employee of the coffee shop I visited Tuesday before going to my history class found my school ID and e-mailed me to let me know. She came in on her day off to leave it at the front counter for me to come and get at my leisure.
Got to love how I'm provided for.

(I'm almost 30% through this quarter. Soon I'll be 40% though. Then 50%. Exciting!)

Optimism Struggle

Today I didn't get a chance to sit and think for more than 10 minutes at a time. I woke up at 7 and worked at a preschool from 8-12, then a group project at a library from 12-1, the homework from 1-2, then a brief lunch break and then more homework followed by a math class and quiz from 3:15-4:30, from 4:30-5:15 was more homework followed by history from 5:30-7:15, followed by trying to buy a book for one of my classes from 7-8, then getting dinner at 8:30, then working from 9-11.

In this time I have managed to lose my school ID (which I will have to replace asap, I've already deactivated it...) develop a very uncomfortable rash on one of my legs from a pair of jeans I have already broken in but for some reason decided to give me a rash today, and not accomplish all of the homework I need to have done by tomorrow. It wouldn't be that stressful except that I know tomorrow is actually going to be busier than today...

BUT: be anxious about nothing.
I'm telling myself that tomorrow will be better. I hope.

...Now I'm going to go make notecards for one of my presentations that I'm giving tomorrow in class. Eventually I'll schedule myself some time to sleep!

I'll give you a hint!

I was at work the other day when the younger brother of the girl I do therapy with approached me as I was preparing to leave.

"Hello Beth!"
"Hi there! How are you?"
"Oh, I'm just great. I have a surprise for you!"
"Oh, really? What is it?"
"Well I can't tell you. Or else it wouldn't be a surprise."
"That makes sense."
"But I'll give you a hint! It's something that you can put in the book that you're reading so it will hold your place so you can shut your book... Then the next time you open it, you'll know what page you were on!"
"A bookmark?"
"No. Hold on, I'll go get it."

He runs into the kitchen and returns in a moment, holding a paper star and a paper rectangle covered in bright paints and glitter with ribbons tied to the top.

"See? The star is an ornament, because it's tied as a loop on the top. You hang it on your christmas tree. And this one is a bookmark!!"
"Thank you, I love it! But didn't I guess bookmark?"
"And I painted it myself! And I used the glitter! And it's for you! Merry christmas!!"

He's three years old. So ridiculously cute.

I love kids.

Proving Ghandi wrong

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." - Ghandi

There are times when I can completely and totally agree with this statement... Which makes me really angry. I know that no one is perfect, and everyone will fail from time to time, but part of dedicating your life to Christ and calling yourself a Christ-follower is so other people can see Christ in you and the way you live your life and let it change you.

So come on, people, let's prove Ghandi wrong.

2009

Happy new year! I have some questions for you:
Do you believe in new year resolutions?
How do you feel about the game Apples to Apples?
Would you rather age backwards or forwards?
Do dreams have meaning?
What's the best flavor of Laffy Taffy?


Everything has multiple meanings depending on how you twist them. Example A

Hee hee.

In other news-
I turned 20 years old. Normally birthdays don't make me feel any different, but 20 is a little scary. It means I'm definitely not a teenager anymore. I'm not twenty-teen, I'm twenty. Not saying I'm old, but I know people who have gotten married, had babies, had full time jobs... You know you live in a fast paced world when you feel behind when you're only 20. I'm trying not to think about it. Here's the thing-

I've decided my first plan is to have no plan. The future is completely out of my hands, my control. By planning anything too far in advance is to assume I'm going to have some kind of control of my future. Not saying that making plans is bad, just saying that it's better to mentally prepare myself for if it doesn't work out. Example: To assume I'll have children one day is to assume I'll be married. But what if I never do? Cool. If I plan on getting married then I'll be super bummed out when I don't. All I'm saying is set the bar low for expectations, because then there will be little disappointment. Plus, who plans my future anyway? Me? Or someone that actually has my entire life, future, plans, everything in His hands?

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Because boy, it's certainly been a ride so far in 2009! I'll keep on keeping on, giving thanks for the good, the bad, and the ugly.