I would rather be anything in this world than apathetic. This is because this world is a dying world, but I'm not dying. Why should I be apathetic about my life? Why should I be apathetic about others lives? How can I stand by in my bubble of comfort and security when I know and am fully aware of suffering and pain of others in places unseen?
I can not and will not stand by quietly.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Happy St. Patricks Day/Happy birthday Grandpa/Unhappy day of finals!
I'll be free from elementary math in less than four hours.
I'll be out of the state in less than four days.
I'll be doing it all again in less than four weeks.
I'll be on summer break in less than four months.
I'll be graduated and probably have a job in less than four years.
The only exception would be if I die before any of these events occur. Haha!
I'll be out of the state in less than four days.
I'll be doing it all again in less than four weeks.
I'll be on summer break in less than four months.
I'll be graduated and probably have a job in less than four years.
The only exception would be if I die before any of these events occur. Haha!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Read my poker face
I feel like you can see right through me.
(Can I trust that feeling?)
I'll just put on my poker face.
(I have a terrible poker face.)
What I feel comes right out through my expressions.
(No matter how hard I try to hide them.)
I'm really an open book... You just have to know how to read my language.
(Few people know it, though.)
(Can I trust that feeling?)
I'll just put on my poker face.
(I have a terrible poker face.)
What I feel comes right out through my expressions.
(No matter how hard I try to hide them.)
I'm really an open book... You just have to know how to read my language.
(Few people know it, though.)
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Listen to the call
Rahabshideaway.org
(Go educate and familiarize yourselves.)
It's the third largest criminal industry other than weapons and drugs and it's the fastest growing criminal industry. It's everywhere. It's local. It's destroying.
This is definitely something that God has put on my heart for the past month. I've had dreams, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about it.. And just thinking about it hurts, and I'm not even directly involved with any of it yet. I hope that there are volunteer opportunities that I'll be able to do, because I definitely feel strongly called to do something about this.
I don't know how I will be able to help at all in such a helpless situation, but I'm going to listen to the call.
(Go educate and familiarize yourselves.)
It's the third largest criminal industry other than weapons and drugs and it's the fastest growing criminal industry. It's everywhere. It's local. It's destroying.
This is definitely something that God has put on my heart for the past month. I've had dreams, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about it.. And just thinking about it hurts, and I'm not even directly involved with any of it yet. I hope that there are volunteer opportunities that I'll be able to do, because I definitely feel strongly called to do something about this.
I don't know how I will be able to help at all in such a helpless situation, but I'm going to listen to the call.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Make me a sandwich
Finding a good teacher has become increasingly difficult. I've been spoiled in the past by having some of the most excellent, dedicated teachers that have fostered a love of learning and curiosity in me that has also become more uncommon. I have been truly blessed. I think this is why I have such a hard time with some of my teachers at college now. There are a many kinds of teachers, but to break them down into two broad categories, here's what I've found: There are the kinds of teachers that say "Let me show you how to make a sandwich and then help you make your own sandwich. Then you'll be able to go out and make sandwiches to the best of your abilities until you are an excellent sandwich-maker!" ...And then there are the kinds of teachers that just say "Make me a sandwich."
I am, of course, borrowing this phrase that's often used in a demeaning or humiliating context. As urban dictionary defines:
A saying used when one person completely dominates another person in a game, contest, sport, etc. Implies that the winner has complete possession of the broken competitor, thus placing the loser in a condition of servitude in the form of the construction and delivery of a sandwich.
That's how I feel some of the instructors are at my school. It's not about actually teaching your students as much as seeing how many of your crazy, high standard, difficult assignment/test hoops they are able to jump through while you do the least amount of work possible because you are the 'professional.' I've had teachers that don't care that I have four other full-time classes, part time jobs, sleep that I have to make time for, but assign ridiculous tasks that anyone would be unable to complete without making school their number one priority and eliminate all social life and extra curricular activities. It's beyond frustrating to sit in a class where a teacher stands at the front lecturing just to hear themselves talk and haughtily answer questions students may ask in attempts to decode the jargon that they are rambling about. Getting distinct vibes of superiority is a natural tendency in most of my classes.
I'm just wondering how they must think when their entire class turns in an evaluation at the end of the quarter and their ratings are not up to par. (It has been known to happen..) And what happened to the concept that if a student tries their best and still fails your class, it's not the student's fault but the teacher's for failing to find a way to connect to that student and help them understand?
Being a teacher means becoming a servant, if not an equal. You must be on the level of the student in order to understand them, to help them. Granted, there is meant to be an authority in a teaching position, but we're all people. Teachers are just people that are supposed to give other people their knowledge so they may use it to better themselves. That's what I was hoping college would be.
I am, of course, borrowing this phrase that's often used in a demeaning or humiliating context. As urban dictionary defines:
A saying used when one person completely dominates another person in a game, contest, sport, etc. Implies that the winner has complete possession of the broken competitor, thus placing the loser in a condition of servitude in the form of the construction and delivery of a sandwich.
That's how I feel some of the instructors are at my school. It's not about actually teaching your students as much as seeing how many of your crazy, high standard, difficult assignment/test hoops they are able to jump through while you do the least amount of work possible because you are the 'professional.' I've had teachers that don't care that I have four other full-time classes, part time jobs, sleep that I have to make time for, but assign ridiculous tasks that anyone would be unable to complete without making school their number one priority and eliminate all social life and extra curricular activities. It's beyond frustrating to sit in a class where a teacher stands at the front lecturing just to hear themselves talk and haughtily answer questions students may ask in attempts to decode the jargon that they are rambling about. Getting distinct vibes of superiority is a natural tendency in most of my classes.
I'm just wondering how they must think when their entire class turns in an evaluation at the end of the quarter and their ratings are not up to par. (It has been known to happen..) And what happened to the concept that if a student tries their best and still fails your class, it's not the student's fault but the teacher's for failing to find a way to connect to that student and help them understand?
Being a teacher means becoming a servant, if not an equal. You must be on the level of the student in order to understand them, to help them. Granted, there is meant to be an authority in a teaching position, but we're all people. Teachers are just people that are supposed to give other people their knowledge so they may use it to better themselves. That's what I was hoping college would be.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
They are going to take you.
I watched Taken the other night. Fantastic movie, I would highly recommend it. I had been told by multiple people that it was 'a good movie' and it was suspenseful, a good action movie that serves for mostly an entertainment film with explosions, but there were a couple parts of the movie and lines that were spoken that really have been stuck in my mind since I watched it a couple nights ago. It's not for the violence or even necessarily the characters that I found this movie to be intriguing, but bits and pieces..
The movie trailers and reviews really haven't done it justice. When asked for a summary, the most often heard descriptions I got were along the lines of, "Oh, it's this former CIA guy and his daughter is taken. So he tries to get her back." but it's so much more than that. It was a dark movie that exposed some of the most horrific evil that takes place all over the world and gets very little publicity. It's shocking, terrifying, sickening. The dialogue in the beginning of the movie when the daughter is across the world from her father and is talking to him on the phone keeps replaying in my mind. The daughter watches through a window across the house as men break into the house and capture her friend she was traveling with. She's on the phone with her father, becoming hysterical as she realizes what's happening and what will soon happen to her. I completely expected her father, retired CIA employee, wise of the ways of the world father to calmly explain to her ways to escape this dangerous situation.
"Quick, go into the bedroom next to the room you are in and hide under the bed." The daughter obeys, and I begin to feel the same relief she does despite knowing the outcome of her situation due to the title of the movie. I am comforted by her father's calm voice, reassured that there is escape and hope. I wait for his next instructions with her as she scrambles under the bed, I'm on edge and waiting for the next step to escape. I'm waiting for the next step to be something along the lines of cleverly tricking her opponents and escaping in a way that only a former CIA agent would think of on the fly of a dangerous moment.
"Now listen to me... They are going to take you."
I feel my stomach drop a little and I see fear and confusion appear on the daughter's face. As she wraps her mind around this statement, that there is no escape, that there is nothing in her power to do except wait to be caught, her face contorts and prepares for tears and returning hysteria. The father continues to calmly explain steps she will need to do, not in order for her to escape of her own means, but steps that are necessary in order for him to save her. Hold the phone near the edge of the bed so he can record their voices, when she is captured she is to begin screaming out identifying features of her kidnappers rather than simply scream and plead, but in the end the only form of fighting back is to accept her fate and to trust her father.
"I promise that I will find you, I promise that I will save you." No try, no maybe, but a promise.
I won't continue on, because the journey that the father makes and the things that he does in his pursuit to save his daughter are too unbelievable to simply be read in text. The dedication and drive that a being can have for another is amazing to me. Going to any lengths to save only a single person is illogical and doesn't make sense to many people. Despite the darkness and the evil in this film, I was in continuous awe of the drive and motivation that the father had for his daughter. If I had one person that would be willing to go to that kind of distance for me, I wouldn't know how I could possibly express my thanks to them. It's stunning.
Then I realized that this scenario is familiar. I am that girl. There are times, places, people, situations that are completely unavoidable. I hide myself under a bed and wait for directions of how to escape the terror, the discomfort, the evil, and I feel the same horror and disbelief when I hear the words, "They are going to take you." My rescue is not of my own accord, I am helpless. The only thing that will save me is my trust that I will be saved by someone more capable than myself. I have a promise of salvation, and no matter how hopeless, disturbing, troubling, terrifying, tragic the situation, I will be saved. There is no need for fear or doubt.
I take comfort in that.
The movie trailers and reviews really haven't done it justice. When asked for a summary, the most often heard descriptions I got were along the lines of, "Oh, it's this former CIA guy and his daughter is taken. So he tries to get her back." but it's so much more than that. It was a dark movie that exposed some of the most horrific evil that takes place all over the world and gets very little publicity. It's shocking, terrifying, sickening. The dialogue in the beginning of the movie when the daughter is across the world from her father and is talking to him on the phone keeps replaying in my mind. The daughter watches through a window across the house as men break into the house and capture her friend she was traveling with. She's on the phone with her father, becoming hysterical as she realizes what's happening and what will soon happen to her. I completely expected her father, retired CIA employee, wise of the ways of the world father to calmly explain to her ways to escape this dangerous situation.
"Quick, go into the bedroom next to the room you are in and hide under the bed." The daughter obeys, and I begin to feel the same relief she does despite knowing the outcome of her situation due to the title of the movie. I am comforted by her father's calm voice, reassured that there is escape and hope. I wait for his next instructions with her as she scrambles under the bed, I'm on edge and waiting for the next step to escape. I'm waiting for the next step to be something along the lines of cleverly tricking her opponents and escaping in a way that only a former CIA agent would think of on the fly of a dangerous moment.
"Now listen to me... They are going to take you."
I feel my stomach drop a little and I see fear and confusion appear on the daughter's face. As she wraps her mind around this statement, that there is no escape, that there is nothing in her power to do except wait to be caught, her face contorts and prepares for tears and returning hysteria. The father continues to calmly explain steps she will need to do, not in order for her to escape of her own means, but steps that are necessary in order for him to save her. Hold the phone near the edge of the bed so he can record their voices, when she is captured she is to begin screaming out identifying features of her kidnappers rather than simply scream and plead, but in the end the only form of fighting back is to accept her fate and to trust her father.
"I promise that I will find you, I promise that I will save you." No try, no maybe, but a promise.
I won't continue on, because the journey that the father makes and the things that he does in his pursuit to save his daughter are too unbelievable to simply be read in text. The dedication and drive that a being can have for another is amazing to me. Going to any lengths to save only a single person is illogical and doesn't make sense to many people. Despite the darkness and the evil in this film, I was in continuous awe of the drive and motivation that the father had for his daughter. If I had one person that would be willing to go to that kind of distance for me, I wouldn't know how I could possibly express my thanks to them. It's stunning.
Then I realized that this scenario is familiar. I am that girl. There are times, places, people, situations that are completely unavoidable. I hide myself under a bed and wait for directions of how to escape the terror, the discomfort, the evil, and I feel the same horror and disbelief when I hear the words, "They are going to take you." My rescue is not of my own accord, I am helpless. The only thing that will save me is my trust that I will be saved by someone more capable than myself. I have a promise of salvation, and no matter how hopeless, disturbing, troubling, terrifying, tragic the situation, I will be saved. There is no need for fear or doubt.
I take comfort in that.
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