Wanderer

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong...


I want to belong. I want to feel like I'm at the right place at the right time with the right people. I feel mixed up and alone. I feel like I'm messing up, but all I'm trying to do is do the right thing..

restless

I seriously think I'm developing some form of restless leg syndrome. Or rather, restless feet syndrome. They feel tingly and I just want to pound them with a hammer so it will stop or something. Gah!

I figure it's one of two things:
1. I'm supposed to get out of Columbus. Soon. As soon as possible. Maybe for a weekend, maybe for a couple years. I am getting an incredible itch to travel, and maybe that itch is getting channeled throughout my restless feet. I want to run. Run until my legs give out and my lungs burst. Run without worrying about being on a deadline for a schedule or a planned out day. Just run like there's no tomorrow. (Run Beth, run!)
2. I need better shoes with better support.

I need sleep.

I love that I love a God that loves me.
I love that I love a God that loves you.
I love that I love a God that loves. Always.

Life life life. It's abundant, and I have so much to be thankful for. I'm not sure if I feel at peace, or if I feel anxious. You would think I would know since the two are pretty much opposites, right?

Here is what I feel peaceful about:
- school
- future job
- summer
- family
- friends who I understand and who understand me
- life

Here is what I feel anxious about:
- (grad) school
- friends, both those leaving and those coming
- thoughts I should spend less time thinking
- People who I can't read
- life

My problem is time. I have such a limited view of time. Time for me, and every other person, is like a river. We are each just a tiny drop of water in a river, constantly pushing forward and rolling over, under, around, through anything in our way. Although every drop has a different distinct path, each drop has this in common: there is no turning back, and there is no way of knowing where it will end up. Everything moves forward, and the only tangible sense of time there is for us is the present.

However, I know I should be anxious about nothing. So what if I can't change what has already happened? So what if I don't know what's to come? Time isn't a river to God. If anything, time is a lake to Him. He sees everything at once. Worrying is pointless, because I know whatever will come will have a purpose.

(Besides, everything seems worse when you've only slept 4 hours in the last 48 hours.)