Today is a mission. My mission? To be joyful, no matter what may happen.
Consider it a personal experiment. Is happiness/joy a choice?
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
what it all comes down to
Choose between:
self-medication or prescription
your own understanding or the wisdom of another
your own feelings or the truth
ignorance or reality
the easy way or the hard (and rewarding) way
...
I am exhausted. Good night, sweet dreams.
self-medication or prescription
your own understanding or the wisdom of another
your own feelings or the truth
ignorance or reality
the easy way or the hard (and rewarding) way
...
I am exhausted. Good night, sweet dreams.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Ogre
This is how I feel about my friends:
They are splendid, lovely, royal. I do not have the words to capture how wonderful they are. When I am with them, I feel like an ogre among princesses. I don't say this in a bitter, jealous way, but rather in an appreciative manner. After all, how many princesses would befriend a member of a lower social class, let alone a different species, and a clumsy, awkward and fumbling one at that? I'm honored and blessed to be in the midst of their radiance.
Love you, girls!
They are splendid, lovely, royal. I do not have the words to capture how wonderful they are. When I am with them, I feel like an ogre among princesses. I don't say this in a bitter, jealous way, but rather in an appreciative manner. After all, how many princesses would befriend a member of a lower social class, let alone a different species, and a clumsy, awkward and fumbling one at that? I'm honored and blessed to be in the midst of their radiance.
Love you, girls!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Take my heart, make it new, make it true, make it like You
I am frustrated. I am flawed. My thoughts are ugly.
(I don't want to feel this way.)
I hate how something so powerful, encouraging, inspiring can be undone with something so little and insignificant. I want my weakness to be transformed into strengths, I want to be unmovable in the way I treat people. Circumstances are not an excuse to treat someone in an unloving way!
Time to go to thought-boot camp. I must retrain the way I think before I can retrain the way I act.
(I don't want to feel this way.)
I hate how something so powerful, encouraging, inspiring can be undone with something so little and insignificant. I want my weakness to be transformed into strengths, I want to be unmovable in the way I treat people. Circumstances are not an excuse to treat someone in an unloving way!
Time to go to thought-boot camp. I must retrain the way I think before I can retrain the way I act.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Goosebumps
In other news:
I finished the second season of Arrested Development.
I ate Alfredo twisted noodles from a box.. and enjoyed it.
I just cleaned 90% of my bike.
I'm making pancakes tomorrow morning.
I can run 2.25 miles without stopping.
My hair is red again. (The shade of red that great aunts disapprove of at family gatherings)
Today was 12:34pm 56 seconds 7/8/09. I spent that moment sitting in my Natural Science class at CSCC wishing I was somewhere else with coffee.
I took a nap today but felt more tired after I woke up because of all the dreams.
Now I'm all caught up.
In other other news:
I've been thinking more about the supernatural. I've always considered myself a 'rational' person in the sense of I am extremely skeptical of visions, prophecy, ghosts, etc. It's easy to disbelieve the crazys you see on tv that claim these things happen to them. It's just so much easier to lump them into the category of "That was probably already an episode of X-files but it hasn't been made into a full-length sci-fi/horror movie yet!" category.. But what do you believe when your friends admit to experiencing it? And what happens if you start to experience it?
"In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams."
I finished the second season of Arrested Development.
I ate Alfredo twisted noodles from a box.. and enjoyed it.
I just cleaned 90% of my bike.
I'm making pancakes tomorrow morning.
I can run 2.25 miles without stopping.
My hair is red again. (The shade of red that great aunts disapprove of at family gatherings)
Today was 12:34pm 56 seconds 7/8/09. I spent that moment sitting in my Natural Science class at CSCC wishing I was somewhere else with coffee.
I took a nap today but felt more tired after I woke up because of all the dreams.
Now I'm all caught up.
In other other news:
I've been thinking more about the supernatural. I've always considered myself a 'rational' person in the sense of I am extremely skeptical of visions, prophecy, ghosts, etc. It's easy to disbelieve the crazys you see on tv that claim these things happen to them. It's just so much easier to lump them into the category of "That was probably already an episode of X-files but it hasn't been made into a full-length sci-fi/horror movie yet!" category.. But what do you believe when your friends admit to experiencing it? And what happens if you start to experience it?
"In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams."
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
risk-taking
It's funny how I am feeling so brave and so terrified at the same time.
The stronger thing to do isn't to block everyone out. The stronger thing to do is to open yourself up to letting people in. The stakes are higher, but there's more to gain.
It's not that I wish I was fearless. It's that I wish I wouldn't feel crushed if things don't go as I hoped they would. And the simple truth is things don't always work out, I'm not in control, and if I was then life would be pretty whack. I hate the free-falling sensation of not knowing what's next, but I'm not afraid of the leap.
The stronger thing to do isn't to block everyone out. The stronger thing to do is to open yourself up to letting people in. The stakes are higher, but there's more to gain.
It's not that I wish I was fearless. It's that I wish I wouldn't feel crushed if things don't go as I hoped they would. And the simple truth is things don't always work out, I'm not in control, and if I was then life would be pretty whack. I hate the free-falling sensation of not knowing what's next, but I'm not afraid of the leap.
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